Microsoft Dropped New Ugly Holiday Sweaters and... Yes Please

Look, some families collect fine china, others collect vintage wine, and my family collects ugly sweaters like we're prepping for a very specific zombie apocalypse scenario where only acrylic knitwear can save humanity. They live in a box, we rarely wear them, and yet we guard them like the Infinity Stones of questionable fashion. So when Microsoft announced that their legendary ugly sweaters are back this year, my inner geek basically started vibrating like a Nokia ringtone.

We get three options, and they are each chaotic in their own delightful way. First up, the Artifact sweater, which is basically a nostalgia bingo card. Clippy, Minesweeper, Internet Explorer, MSN, MS DOS, random Windows logos. It's like 90s tech trauma therapy, but cozy. Then there is the Zune sweater, which is brown in a way that awakens memories of technology that failed bravely. And finally, the Xbox sweater, which feels the most wearable, assuming that neon green is part of your personality.

But if I had to choose just one, the Artifact still wins the holiday crown, even if it is now totally sold out. At this point you can only pre order it and cross your fingers that it arrives sometime in January, hopefully before the next Windows update breaks something important. And yes, people in the comments are already spiraling about the Copilot icon on the arm. Honestly, I don't mind it. If anything, it adds a tiny bit of chaos to a sweater that was already proudly built on being intentionally horrible.